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The Chaanakya Niti – Lessons learnt in Hostel life.

I went to Pune to pursue my engineering degree. I always lived in a homely atmosphere full of simple and warm friends in my home town. May be, this was the reason that i was a very straight foreword person. Going all of a sudden to a new place and living with all mixed culture of people made me strong.. very strong, compared to what i was 4 years back. Though, i had a tough life in me initial days… but somehow managed to judge people and came out as a smart guy in the end. This is one thing that I’m proud of.

I learnt from my mistakes every time i made one.. And tried not to repeat them next time, in which i also succeeded. But, somehow due to some remorseful incidents that took place in my life in the year 2011 i forgot those learnt lessons. Through this blogpost i will try my level best to recapitulate the learnings. And i hope it will be helpful to young hostel going people like me.

Lessons learnt —

Be a DIPLOMAT: Practicing Diplomacy won’t ever get you in trouble. No matter how rough the situation is.! Diplomacy is an art. It can’t be learnt overnight. Learn it through observing.

Diplomacy Rules ~

  • Never comment on any controversial issues. Always think about the consequences of your spoken dialogue in front of the person or crowd you are with because your views in the controversial topics may be represented in wrong way.
  • Always take the neutral path. Whenever you are asked about any opinion in public, say, whether a particular thing is good or bad, or say, whether or not to go to a particular place, always take the middle route. Never disclose your thought first.
  • In a group of 2, Always first ask the other person what does he thinks. Doing this would give you two benefits.
  • i) Make you aware of other person’s thought and opinion. This would give you an accurate idea of what other person thinks.
  • a) If yours and his opinion match: then make him feel like its his own choice / idea that you valued are you are following it. It would make the other person open up more in front of you and he would value your ideas and ask for your decisions which you can impose upon him in tough an unfavorable times.
  • b) If yours and his opinion differ: Then too accept the other person’s opinion in an encouraging way. This will let him put his point of view in front of you and understand what the other person thinks. Though he might be wrong in his entire story but listen his point of view would make him value your opinion n the end.
  • Analyze the situation before making any judgement and flow with the wind. Always reveal your decision in the end after knowing everyone’s opinion. Consider a situation, in a group of 7 friends there is a debate on going at one place P & Q. Your personal interest is in visiting Q. But, the 5 people of 7 decide to go to P. Now what will you do? Disclose your liking for Q? Never make that mistake. If you open your idea of going to Q then only your view would be in minority as you will have support of only one other person. Rather, accept the opposite idea in an encouraging way, though it is not what you want. Doing this would make yourself feel similar minds thinker with the other group ad your words would retain their importance.
  • Always have patience while selecting your friends. Watch people closely. Watch their reactions and expressions while you speak to them on certain comfortable issues & when certain unfavorable issues come up in front of them. If the person you are talking to is not comfortable discussing some issues then there are two options a) avoid the issue b) make him feel comfortable, and appreciate his point of view (so that he can discuss those issues with you)
  • The unique quality in every successful person is their ability to get along with people.  ‘To accept an idea that is unacceptable is a quality of an educated mind.’ many people are highly educated, having at least 2 degrees with them, but aren’t successful in dealing with mass public and getting along with people. This inability of theirs inhibits their career growth. Getting along with people has only one rule – allowing the other person to speak i.e one has to be a great listener.
  • Have interest in people. Having interest in other people is a very impotent factor of your likelihood among them. Always let the other person speak first. Learn his expressions and his thinking and act accordingly. This behavior is what i call ‘Meethi Churi’. 
  • When in public, talk sensible, speak less and think before you speak. Public speaking is always a boon for the people who have this charm of public speaking. But, if you don’t have this art of public speaking, Speak Less in front of a crowd or unknown persons. No matter there is only one unknown person in the crowd and you know 7 other persons.
  • When you are asked about an uncomfortable topic and you want to avoid answering it, duck it. You can always duck any uncomfortable or sudden question by saying ‘I haven’t given a thought to it yet’, ‘You are also wondering that what would be the outcome’ and lastly ‘I don’t know’.
  • Never give a gangster a bad name. Never ever feel a person how bad, unsocial, jerk he is. No person likes to take his criticism. Nothing is worse than giving Dog a bad name. Moreover, never criticize any person or any topic in public. Whenever in public stay soft spoken. Don’t try to catch the spot light or someone’s attention by doing weird stuffs that you never do in personal. Stay as the most well behaved and courteous person whenever you are in public.
  • Always praise people, no matter how stupid they are.! Sincere appreciation and a heartily praise always does wonders with people. Every person on this planet, no matter how great or powerful he is, likes to satisfy his EGO. When you praise someone you feed their ego the boosting it seeks for. And by doing this you can gain popularity among the crowd. If you praise a person by giving them the credit of any substance, it makes them like you. But, it is also true that praising works on fools, not wise and learned. To work this praise methodology on a learned person make sure that you praise them sincerely. Which means that the praise must come directly from the heart and it must be genuine. For that you have to pay attention to their words or action. This quality once achieved shows great results.
  • Never say a sharp or a blunt NO to anyone. There is not any crime bigger than telling NO to any person on his face. Telling No directly to a person is insulting one’s EGO. Consider a case, a friend asks you to accompany him to a nearby hotel. You do not wish to go due any XYZ reason or say you are free but you don’t want to got to that hotel because that hotel sucks big time.! Now in this case if you tell NO to your friend without any reason, then you will hurt hi EGO. The best escape in this type of situation is to quickly think of some sensible idea or plan so that you can escape this uncontrollable situation. Rather than telling a Big NO on their face give a proper false excuse or reason so that one might not feel bad about it.
  • Never scold or criticize any person when he commits any mistake. Whenever any person or a friend or an employee of yours commits a mistake or say a blunder, DO NOT REBUKE THEM AT THAT TIME. It is likely to get hyper and scold the person or even use harsher words on him, but this is the real test time for you. If you get angry and yell at your employee/ friend at that moment, it will either ruin the relationship or create distances. Rather you should keep your cool and act in a matured way at that point of time. Not telling anything to your employee at that point of time for his mistake creates a feeling of respect and superiority in the eyes of your employee. The person who has committed mistake realizes the gravity of his mistake. Not yelling at him at the acceptance of his mistake creates a sense of honor for you in his eyes. This doesn’t means you won’t tell him anything. Rather you should express your dis-satisfaction in that matter but not by rebuking or using harsh words on him. Your employee would work harder to keep you pleased after that. Remember: Reprimanding a person at that moment would not leave that deep effect on him, as he has already accepted his mistake. *Golden Suggestion* Leave that scolding / warning for some future incident when you can talk about it at one time and the guilty person won’t have reasons to  counter you back.
  • Read between the lines. Reading between the lines is an art. It can only be mastered by practicing Diplomacy for years. Whenever you deal with educated people or say dealing with higher order employees in your company, always take in Diplomatic manner. Never talk harsh or cheaply with them. Taking in this cheap manner would want them to quit their job. Always remember that your higher level employees are well educated or must be in your company since a long time. They won’t commit any mistake purposely. Talking in a milder manner is always beneficial. It gives the employee a proper message and along with it also doesn’t spoils your reputation in the company.
      1. Always be courteous in front of strangers and in social gatherings. Remember, your image and your prestige is everything. It takes ages to built a reputation and a few seconds to destroy years of hard-work. It is the image that you carry in this world with yo that gives your impression. It is the social image of a person that gives the person self worth and values his comments and weights him in front of public.
  2. AVOID APOLOGIZING as far as possible in public.
  3. Be LACONIC – always speak to the point but Diplomatically.
  4. DONT get friendly with anyone in public meetings, not even with your friends – Its like killing your reputation with your own hands.
  • How to talk to a person when he differs in his opinion to yours. This is a very important concept for talking to a person in public when he differs with your opinion. It always works – at least in my case. Now, a fool will try to convince you with 1000 explanations to prove his point of view is right and yours is wrong. And, the rule says – Never fight with a Fool. It hardly matters to you if you just listen to the fools point of view and even you appreciate it on his face only. By doing this you would stay on good terms with The Fool as again you would satisfy his EGO. Finally do what you want to do.
  • How to overcome the generation gap when dealing with elders. This is a very important issue when it comes to Indian families, particularly Marwadi Indian families – where culture and  orthodoxy passes through generations. If you face such kind of a situation remember the following lines, ‘Be as they want you to be because in the end you won’t be able to mess with the elders in your family.’, and after all Family matters.!
  • What should you speak to people you meet. A wise man always marks his words before they come out of his mouth. It doesn’t matters whom you are traveling with or taking to (Employees apart). They can be your customers or your suppliers or your friends or relatives. Always keep them happy by feeding their EGO. Always appreciate their work, no matter how ordinary it its. Always give the person you are talking to the chance to speak up more than you speak. Have interest in his talk, ask genuine and sincere questions, and you will win hearts.

  • How to act when dealing with subordinates, younger people, employees. Your employees, subordinates or younger people you are with are bound to commit mistakes at some point or the other.. may be at every point. It is very important how you handle it. Consider this: You forgot to prepare some files on time which were to be used by your boss. Now if your boss scolds you right there at that instant moment on the non completion of the job you would surely get defensive and use all possible factors to prove that it wasn’t your mistake. Now consider another alternative in this situation: Your boss doesn’t rebukes you. He doesn’t talks about it at all. Rather he accepts it plainly and tells you to complete it in the next scheduled time and discusses other general stuffs with you. Now with that action of your boss you want to give the explanation of why the particular job wasn’t done yet. You try to impress your boss by working harder next time and also you make sure that you don’t come in the bad file of your boss. Now while giving the next assignment to you your boss asks you several general stuffs about your working hours and time schedule. Now he becomes strict and tells you to complete your task in time and gives you a mild scolding for last delay. This action makes a stricter image of your boss in your mind. This is called ‘Mind F*cking’. Now replace yourself in you boss’s position and imagine the entire scenario considering live examples of your employees.
  • Another rule of behaving with the people you work with and take work from. Many people have this habit of getting cozy and friendly with the people they work with. This habit exponentially degrades the effect of your words on them. Never do it. It is a Sin. Getting friendly includes speaking nonsense in front of them, saying rubbish stuffs that one would never want to discuss with a junior, the stuff that makes your servant / junior / driver frank to you.  Never get frank with the juniors and the people you work with in your company, particularly your subordinates and your employees. Always maintain a safe distance and clear line of barrier in your daily dealings with them. This will gradually create your image of a disciplined and revered boss. No junior level staff will ever speak in front of you and undoubtedly value your decision.

Never Knowingly Underwhelmed

It was new year, 2008. I felt it was time to “solve the problems of the world before it’s too late.” I know, a lofty ambition. But I’d worked out that we held the key to making the world a better place and that waiting around for politicians to sort it out for us was going to be a long one. I was pretty concerned about the environment in those days (still am, but I’m rather more fatalistic about the planet now – it’s clearly too late to save it), and none of what I went on to propose was going to mend the sky or wash the oceans or slow down the melting of the ice caps. It was simply a desire to adopt Derek Batey’s famous sign-off from Mr & Mrs:

Be nice to each other.

What followed was The Manners Manifesto. I felt then, and…

View original post 3,328 more words

the idea of BeingMarwadi

Hie.! Born into a Marwadi family in late 80’s, i grew up in a joint family. A family full of relatives cousins and siblings. For me the world was only my family and that too full of orthodox traditions until i went out for higher education. I’m into my mid 20’s and my family elders just want to get me married & that too with a girl of their choice. I would run away from my place if this would materialize. LoL.! was kidding. I would love to do that but i won’t. Because of the burden of being marwadi, carrying family’s name and respect of family members into the ‘Samaj’.

Tear rolls down my eye.. As i remember some part of my past life..

MY dad used to go early to work and come back home late at night mostly after i slept. The very reason for it my mom would tell me is that ‘ki beta papa ne naya business start kiya hai.. Kaam khatam kite nina kaise ayenge‘. This went on till i was in class 7 or 8. I always used to miss m dad’s company and his presence particularly when other siblings in the family used to go out with their parents i used to stay home and wait for dad to come home early. I always used to feel that my younger cousin, X  dominated me because his dad i.e. my uncle would come home early and take him out for a ride, teach him, spent some nice time with his son. I always felt alienated in their company. They aways used to say bad things about me and ignore a 5 year child. What harm can a 5 year child do? Also, his father would help him with his home work, which of course my father would never find time for it, and today after 20 years result can be seen clearly he is good in studies with a better developed brain than mine. 😉

Also, it would be bad on my part to say this, but yes, i will say it that I don’t have any good memory with my aunt (X’s mom). She is still a BITCH. She still always keeps on asking ‘Kya kar rate ho naya aajkal.. ‘ and never tell anything what her son is doing. All i still remember is the beating i got sometimes when i had a fight with X. MY mom never hit X despite if fights.

My mom got her education from a Hindi medium school and never went to any college. and so her education wouldn’t help me much into my studies. But she’s my mom and i love her for the sacrifices she has made so that we can live happily and all the care that she has taken. Love you mom.!

At this point in my life.. i have just started working by joining my dad’s business and that too without any salary. 😉 If i get married now how will i feed my family.? how will i feed my child.? If i get married now my family members would pressurize me to have a child within one year of getting married coz this is how i early i came into this world. I want to give my child the best of the best’s in this world. Also, there are other some issues that haunt me till this date which makes me avoid this entire idea of marriage..

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